By Brenda Deschner, Certified Senior Advisor at Concierge Care Advisors
When It’s Time to Let Go of Guilt: Making the Right Care Decisions for Your Loved One
Many families I’ve worked with face the difficult reality of breaking a promise they made to their aging parents: “We’ll keep you at home for the rest of your life.” Although well-intentioned, this is a promise that can’t always be kept—nor should it—when care needs change or financial circumstances shift.
Understanding the Role of Power of Attorney (POA): Trusting Yourself to Make the Right Decisions
When your parents entrusted you with Power of Attorney (POA), they weren’t asking you to honor every request they made. Instead, they were saying:
“I trust you to make the best decisions for my care and well-being, even when those decisions are difficult.”
Being a caregiver often means making tough choices—much like when we make decisions for our children’s safety and well-being, even if those decisions upset them in the short term. The same principle applies when caring for our parents.
There will be times when keeping a loved one at home is no longer the safest or most practical option. Choosing to move them to an environment where they can receive the right level of care doesn’t mean you’ve let them down—it means you’re acting in their best interest.
Navigating Guilt: A Feeling, Not a Fact
Many caregivers struggle with guilt when faced with the decision to move a loved one into assisted living, memory care, or an Adult Family Home. It’s important to ask yourself:
- Would you feel more guilt over not keeping them at home or over not providing the best care for their evolving needs?
Remember: Guilt is a feeling, not a fact. Making a decision to move your parent into a care facility doesn’t mean you’ve failed them. In fact, it often means you’ve made the most responsible and loving choice.
You wouldn’t expect someone in their 60s or 70s to provide the level of care your parent needs—so why put that pressure on yourself? Taking on the role of both child and caregiver can become overwhelming, leaving you physically and emotionally drained.
Finding Peace in the Decision to Move
Letting go of guilt takes time and perspective. Once you see that your loved one is:
- Happy and engaged in their new environment
- Well-fed and receiving the nutrition they need
- Taking medications on schedule with professional oversight
- Surrounded by caregivers who are trained and compassionate
You’ll be able to rest at night knowing you made the right decision. Most importantly, you’ll rediscover your role as their child—not their full-time caregiver. This shift allows you to focus on quality time and enjoy the moments you have left together.
You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone
At Concierge Care Advisors, we understand how emotionally challenging these decisions can be. Our Senior Living Advisors are here to guide you through every step of the journey, helping you explore the best care options for your loved one.
We’ll help you weigh your options, so you don’t have to guess what to do or face these decisions alone.
We’re Here to Help
Let Concierge Care Advisors support you in finding the best care solution for your loved one. Contact us today for a free consultation and take the first step toward peace of mind—for both you and your loved one.
