By Teresa Fischer
Planning for the Future: Ruth’s Story of Acceptance and Change
When I moved into my house in 2008, Ruth was the first neighbor to welcome me. She came over, introduced herself, and gave me a warm introduction to the neighborhood. We hit it off immediately, and over time, we became close friends—bonding over our mutual love for gardening.
At the time, Ruth was 76 and caring for her husband who was living with dementia. She was devoted to him, showing him unwavering love until his passing in 2013. After her husband passed, Ruth found solace in the things she loved—especially gardening.
Finding Purpose in the Garden
Ruth and her husband had spent much of their lives gardening together, and after his passing, the garden became her purpose and passion. She poured herself into her plants, spending hours outdoors, nurturing each flower and tree. Aside from her garden, Ruth stayed connected through church activities, but with all her children living hours away, much of her day-to-day life revolved around her friends and garden.
As time went by, however, Ruth’s health began to decline. Her balance grew unsteady, and she often sported bruises from falls around the house. When I asked about her injuries, she’d brush it off: “Oh, I just lost my balance.” I’d always remind her to wear her lifeline pendant, but Ruth was too proud and independent to wear it. Luckily, she never had a severe injury, but her frequent falls worried me, so I made it a point to check on her regularly.
Signs of Struggle
Over time, Ruth started forgetting to close windows, lock doors, and shut the garage, which made me worry even more. On my visits, she often shared that she felt lonely. She had stopped attending church and found the yard work to be more burdensome than enjoyable. She wasn’t cooking meals for herself, keeping up with housework, or quilting—something she had always enjoyed. Although her mind remained sharp, it was clear her motivation was slipping.
I gently suggested that Ruth consider moving to an Assisted Living Community. I told her she’d be surrounded by people, have help with meals and housework, and gain back some peace of mind. But Ruth had lived in her house since 1959—and the thought of leaving her beloved home was unimaginable. “Maybe next year,” she’d say.
The Crisis
In 2016, Ruth’s health took a sharp downturn. She developed recurring urinary tract infections that wouldn’t clear up, despite following her doctor’s instructions and staying hydrated. The infections left her weak, feverish, and underweight, and she eventually had to go stay with her son for a few weeks.
While staying with her son, he convinced her to put a deposit down on an Assisted Living apartment near his home, which was three hours away. Feeling too sick to argue, Ruth reluctantly agreed to the plan. But just before the scheduled move, she made a full recovery and was determined to return home.
Now, Ruth faced a dilemma—move to the Assisted Living Community as planned, or stay in the comfort of her home. She was overwhelmed with anxiety and regret, feeling forced into the move by her son. Her once-close relationship with him grew strained as she became resentful of the decision. Ruth was heartbroken, believing her son was just tired of dealing with her problems.
The Emotional Journey of Acceptance
Ruth eventually moved into the Assisted Living Community at her son’s insistence, but she hated it. Every day, she cried and longed to go back to her house. Her son, sensing her distress, eventually gave in and agreed to let her move home. However, after just a few short hours back at her house, Ruth made a surprising decision. She realized, on her own, that she could no longer manage alone—and chose to return to the Assisted Living Community.
This time, the decision was hers. And because it was her choice, she accepted the change with peace in her heart. Ruth found comfort in her new surroundings, knowing she had made the right decision for herself.
A Lesson in Planning and Communication
I miss my dear friend Ruth, but I understand that this is her journey. Watching her struggle with the transition taught me some important lessons about planning for the future.
The moral of Ruth’s story is simple:
- Have a plan before a crisis happens. Decisions made in the middle of a crisis can feel forced and rushed, which can lead to stress and resentment.
- Involve your loved one in the decision-making process as much as possible. Giving them a say allows them to accept changes more easily and feel empowered.
- Keep communication channels open between family members. Misunderstandings and disagreements can be avoided by ensuring everyone is heard and working together toward the same goal.
Conclusion
Ruth’s story serves as a powerful reminder that change is inevitable, but it can be easier to accept when it’s approached thoughtfully and with love. At Concierge Care Advisors, we believe that careful planning and open communication are essential to ensuring a smooth transition for your loved ones.
If you or someone you love is struggling with the next steps in senior care, contact us today for a free consultation. Our compassionate advisors will work with you and your family to find the best solution—whether that’s staying at home with support or transitioning to a new community. We’re here to help you make the right decisions the first time.
📞 Call Concierge Care Advisors at 855-444-7364 or visit our website to learn more about how we can help. Let us guide you through life’s transitions with care and expertise.
