I am one of 10 children raised in Mountlake Terrace with our parents, Pat and Paul Cordova, who were very active in the community.
My mother who just passed two weeks ago was lucky enough to pass in the home all of us kids were raised in. She was in the home since she was 25 years old and passed at 88. I would say that’s pretty lucky to be grounded in the same place for so many years. She was the mayor of Mountlake Terrace. She served on the city council for 17 years. She started the homework center for English second language. She also ran a safe center.
I remember asking my dad if he had a long-term care policy and he said yes, my 10 children.
From that day on, I remembered making promises to both parents that they would pass in the home where we were raised in. I know most people reading this article do not have an army of brothers and sisters or two basketball teams.
When we made these promises back in the early 1980s who would know it would be over $30,000 a month to have around the clock care in your home?
Our dad, Paul Cordova, was able to pass in the home so we wanted the same for our mother. She lived another 15 years and we were able to manage what we promised our dad. That she would pass in the home.
During the last few days of my mom’s journey, I told her to tell my dad that we were all trying our best to take care of her. Tell him we do know that our best sometimes wasn’t good enough. And none of us were thinking of quitting our day jobs.
Caregiving is very very hard work emotionally, physically, and trying to be present to a parent that’s passing and also function throughout your normal life.
Our mom ended up taking approximately four falls and the last one she broke her hip and passed away 16 days later. If I could give any advice to anyone. If any senior has mobility issues, they can’t be left alone and they need a lot of support to help prevent falls. We know we can’t stop falls, but we can put motion detectors bed alarms, etc. in place to help prevent falls.
Please do not make promises that are not easily kept. In order to honor our father, even though I know my mom wanted to stay in her home I don’t know that her quality of care for the last few months were what it should have been. Breaking your hip at 88 should not be anyone’s end of their journey. She was very stoic, so we never knew her level of pain and she was such a trooper and so grateful for all of our help and to be able to stay in her home.
Again, careful of promises that you cannot keep you don’t want to jeopardize anyone’s care over feeling guilty of not allowing someone to age in place in their home. It’s not easy, even with two basketball teams. Give yourself some grace and sometimes you have to make decisions for your parents not always with them. They’re in a good safe place. You can rest assure you’re making the best decision for them. Caregiving is one of the hardest things anyone could ever do.
